Sunday, July 19, 2009
it wasnt my fault. 2:30 PM
Monday, June 15, 2009
it wasnt my fault. 4:40 PM
Friday, June 12, 2009
it wasnt my fault. 11:40 PM
Thursday, June 11, 2009
it wasnt my fault. 2:00 PM
Monday, June 8, 2009
it wasnt my fault. 9:15 PM
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Labels: love you baby it wasnt my fault. 6:00 PM
Monday, June 1, 2009
it wasnt my fault. 3:00 PM
Monday, April 6, 2009
it wasnt my fault. 1:26 AM
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Labels: Reminiscing it wasnt my fault. 10:50 PM
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Labels: I love you like i always do it wasnt my fault. 10:36 PM
Friday, February 6, 2009
it wasnt my fault. 12:58 AM
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Labels: unforgetable birthday of mine (: it wasnt my fault. 5:57 PM
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Labels: she worried for me it wasnt my fault. 2:39 PM
Sunday, December 21, 2008
it wasnt my fault. 11:56 PM
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Labels: please... it wasnt my fault. 8:29 AM
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
it wasnt my fault. 1:17 AM
Saturday, December 6, 2008
it wasnt my fault. 2:18 AM
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
it wasnt my fault. 8:38 AM
it wasnt my fault. 8:26 AM
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
it wasnt my fault. 10:04 PM
Baby is down with a vely vely bad bad headache ): get well soon baby.
Here it goes againmy head is hurting badmy thoughts are perishing day after daythings i knew once was all forgotteni cant recall many thingsi broke down many times by myselfshe has always complain about why i alwaysgot nothing to talk when im on the phone wif heri just dunno...i tried forcing my brains to thinki just cantits hard for me..so damn diffuculti wont describe more about my headbut i could say that it is unbearableeverytime i tried to force things out of my brainsits just too hurtful...why it is like that?i just cant recall anythingi end this now...im in pain right now...
My brain has been running aroundTrying to escape from the skullTo be free to wonder aroundNot to feel like imprisonmentHeadache was felt since the past 3 daysNot feeling wellDown with a bad fluOn monday,i remembered during the ECT3 for mathsI kept snizzing till i shed my tearsMy eyes were all reddish in colourEversince the day i not feeling wellI hadnt got to talk to my dearest at nightEverytime when i woke up from my sleepI called herAnd theres no answerWellMaybe shes tired afterallShe needs some rest tooLike how she asked me to have as much restAs she wants me to get well soonBut howeverI cant be well afterallShes still not giving me the cure to my sickness yetBut im still waiting for it (:WellOnly she knows what my cure is all aboutI hate being sickBody felt weakFelt like as if i was half deadI just need some comfort that i always feltWhich would heal me to the fullestRight nowIm here bloggingAnd also looking out at the skyReminiscing our past memoriesHow we felt during the pastAnd how we felt nowAnd its just soo GREAT (: blueh..
Here goes again, i post...Had some free time now...Lets think of something to post now...Erm... okey... i got it..My days were a nightmare since my birthday...Everything were in a mess...Mood changes soo quickly..Vain my anger to everybody...I was ego even until today...In school today, i was trying to pick a fight...Actually i am the one whos trying to cause a fight...i was really not myself...Didnt believe?Try asking my buddy...His name Ang Zheng Kai aka ah kai...Could say, he was even mad at me...Shouting the lungs out of me...to who dares stare me...Get it? im aint myself today...Okey its getting rubbish soo... lets stop it..lets open a topic call "WAR"I have been fighting with baby ever since that day...Just like Gaza & Israel...We hadnt got peace between us...She tend to get easily mad over something...And me, being ego...I was hard headed afterall...Still fresh in my mind...I was throwing my anger to her...After what she had said...And i know, its bad...She must felt that heartache...soo deep till i couldnt even imagined...Forcing her to go home even when she didnt want to...Pulling her arms...Shouting at her in a public...Such an embarassment to her as well as me...Never i thought be such a holigan myself...Never expect things to go this way too...But it already did...And today...I was pissed off with her for going out of school...Without even giving me a call...Just a call will do to tell me everything...I wasnt even listening to her explaination...But instead...Again, followed my egoness...Its been straight days she been crying out...To me.. or even herself silently..Without me knowing...Shes been crying her heart out...Just to make this relastionship last...And frankly speaking...I didnt even realised it all...After i given a deep thought to it...Which is just a few minutes ago?She had given her soul to me...For me to take care of it...But sometimes...I just ignored it as though as it didnt even matters at all...She been good to me all the time...Just a misunderstanding that ruined us apart...I always get the other way round with everything she says...Im sorry...I cant be understanding like how you wanted me too...Im sorry for not being that person you wanted me to be...Why couldnt i possiblely think about you?Whenever we got mad with each other...I just couldnt.. and i dont even know why...You loved me from the bottom of your heart...So do i...After everything ended just now...I felt free...I felt as though as we just met a second ago...Just like our first meeting?Where we could laugh out loud like the world is just ours?I remembered those times...I felt happy until now...I just couldnt explain it...But im happy...From what i could predict...It going to take a long time for us to start a new "COLD WAR"...or even... find peace till our last breathe?I could see it through...Right now...All i could say is that...I LOVE YOU LIKE I ALWAYS DO...It wont be less & it wont stay...My love is at its infinate...Calculator cant calculate...Ruler cant measures...Only both hearts reads itself...I love you..
My mood been swinging here and there..tried to control it but i just cant...hadnt ate since then...stomach making noises..but no cares?tried to occupy myself wif something...and study is the best thing...and really time flies..like hell fast?i had never expected that somehow...i could be happy while doing homework...my first time experiencing it...but come to think back...its STUPID MATHS HOMEWORK!makes me go berserk!i HATE maths now...i need to give this special thanks toMR KOH!for making my faith in maths gone away...what kind of teacher is this?soo demoralising...having two faces to me?being good infront of me...but at the back...u actually hates me like hell lot?if u happens to read this...im glad...becausewhat mistakes did i make to make youhave this perception of me?WTH YOU!if u dont even want me...say it straight at my FACE!because right now...i dont even need a teacher like you!you go to HELL!hate you alot!you can get the HELL out of my F life!__think of school...just made me hate you even worse...get it CLEAR...who i could call 'teacher'GET LOST!i guess...my mom were dissappointed in me...i didnt even ate a single thing she cooked for me...on my soo call 'birthday'sooo unreal!never in my life again...im happy on my birthday...5 feb?might as well it will be the date thatim dying?sound more like it...i just couldnt get you out of my mind...thinking of you...will just make me filled wif mixed feelings...am i suppose to feelangry?sad?frustrated?depressed?happy?worried?omg...with those words coming out of you mouth...everything were soo clear...a lesson for me to learn...EXPECT THE UNEXPECTEDget it?i dont know who i am now...someone...could u lend me your hands and give me ure guidance?will you?im lost here...
Hey its 5 february...its my birthday...im soo happy to be a year older...wishes from people..oh hell yea im happy...BUT BLOODY!its my my birthday but its NOT!its feels like the volcanoe just errupted!!my heart is bleeding bad...scoldings is what i heard since morning...only patience in me could help...its already at its limit...i broke my own promise!!aaarrgghhh!!!told myself not to be angry...but i did?it happens just in a blink of an eye...and thats it?never expected you to say that...the words from you werefast and smooth...like as if it was been planed..but it didnt....it was natural...how could ever people could resistthose words of your...your mouth moves beautifully...but the words aint as beautifully as it can be...how could that be?i just couldnt hold back anymore...i couldnt...trying to understand you that your sick...i did...but how could you?trying to take back the words you said?its aint simple as one two three or A B Cits not...its just soo unbelieveable...how?fluently said that...was it just to test me?made me realised myself?what issit actually?my dreams had shattered...till no remaining of it is left...to be fixed...its has mixed this thinest air that any1 could see...juz like a size of an atom i could say?how gosh...maybe dreams were only meant for dreams...wasnt for a reality...it takes time for my heart to mend to its normal self...but i couldnt do anything at this pointbut to acceptthat sentence of yours...PUAS HATI TKYAH CARRY ON...omg...its soo simple to be said...which had the greatest impact of my life now...on this faithful day of my 17th birthday...and this was my birthday present afterall...are we offically?
oh dear...its been ages since i update this blog of mine...since i got the free time...might as well i update it for awhile...im using simple words as i cant really think much now...having headaches since yesterday and it hadnt gottenany better till now...eating my medicine would only make my heahacheworse...feels like vommiting it all out...and tend to feel like i am going to faint...dear god...help me wif this will you?yesterday i went off from school at 10.10am...father took me home...then... went to clinic...gotten 2 days medical leave...means...im staying at home to rest...aww dear...hate it...guessed what?somebody doesnt like me in this condition...she hates it alot...im sorry my dear...me myself too... dont like it to be this way..im making you worried about me always...which will distract you wif whatever youre doing...but however...when im sick...i will get the warmth and confort from my dearest...isnt it GREAT?get to feel that someone actually cared for me...dearest always trying to be there beside mewhen i am sick...BUT WHERES MY MAC D?hehe...i know i am soo irritating when a im sick...tend to talk rubbish...tend not to do anything...my body are soo weak which prevent mefrom doing the things i want to do...didnt get a blissful sleep yesterday...this headache of mine keep waking me up...and around 3am i woke up to go to the toilet...and it was soo urgent...i almost urinated on my BED?holy shit!but i didnt...i forced myself to walk...and it was hell difficult...i had never expected walking to be difficult..my vision was blur throughout...my legs were weak...and all i could say was...i was like a drunken person..walking aimlessly at night...but somehow...i made it to my destination...which is the TOILET!it was a great achievement by me...mohd harris.. yahoo...then i went back to bed...i slept...woke up this morning at 5.45am...it was hell for me...i think theres a marble in my head that is spining around...and my head was about to burst...calm myself down...and try to put myself to bed again...but i cant..soo i stayed till 7am...and i call her...hehe...i love to hear her voice in the morning...it will just make my day...when i called her...dearest must be thinking that im going to school...and im under her voiddeck...right bie? right?i know...u cant deny it la okey?i know you too well already...ARGH!!!i dont wan to update anymore...IM SICK!bye..*cough* *cough*
why must there be something on...after we settle our things out?why?i just dont get it sia...i juz dont get it...i hate it!fcuking hate it...i given you the 100% trust...but i guess...i wont give u the normal trustthat i hv been giving you lately...really im not lying...must you u hide things from me?is that damn THING much more important then me?which u cant even let me see it?WTF sia...u want to keep something away from me?whereas i...I...had NEVER keep anything from you...whose damn card is that?why didnt u show me?why are u scared to show me?if not guilty...why not showing it to me?budak mnr punya bende u pigang?laki mnr punye bende u pigang?siak ak...aku skrg tk suke siot!kepecayaan ii skrg...da kurang untuk u...i skrg doubts towards you...seriously...u wan to show me..what your cousin msg?guess what i saw...A HUGE NUMBER OF OTHER BOIS MSGES...gerek kepe...dengar2...i buang2 pp8 kat u je pe...aper salahnyr?PADAHAL PADAHAL ehk...mcm manr i nk pecaye u nih?words are only words la k...u nk ckp diorg sume tkder aper2?da la ehk...i da tkleh percaye lagik...im aint kidding...panggil smue budak2 tuu...tk kire saper la ehk...i nk jumpe diorg smue...diorg tknk jumpe...i carik diorg....nih...i bukan nk menakutkn...i kate...i buat...my trust for you...has gone...gone down the drain...u wan the trust back?earned it yourself...by showing you really wanna the trust back...sial la...asl?ader budak laki lain ke yang you suke nih?bilang ii skrg...kalo u nk kate i sorg je...susa lah i nk percaye lagik...da tk terdaye lagi nk percaye...tunggukkn je yg boleh buat i percaye kat u alek...the trust is 0%i know...im not the only 1...n i cant deny it...
day by day...time by time...passes quickly without useven noticing it...same goes for us...everything changing soo quickly...how could i just deny thatwe faces lots of arguement...im just a sissy boy...who always run around from the arguement...without solving it...or issit i found it waste of time?the arguements are not necessary...its not a must for us to face...but why arent we avoiding it?but yet...we are allowing it to pass throughbetween our relationship...theres no reason for us to be fighting...if thats the case...it means every 2 days..we will fight once...its had been repeating itself...issit true when people said that..history will repeat itself?im starting to believe in it...somehow...somewhere deep in me...i really dont want...i wont explain my reason nomore...because it wont do abit...u might think im selfish...or maybe im...just like ur lil bro said...im selfish...i wont care abit for anybody...even for you...seeking for my own happiness is all i do...i didnt think for a second for you...how could i?deadmeat...i change alot...but i dont seem to realise it at all...i getting back to my oldself...its always you who gets the heartache...not me...im the caused of it...your tears will soon b worthless...once you realised it...that im aint a guy for you...this would be my last sorry...its heavy for me to say this but...i just want you to be happy...with who you want to be...i dont want to be the heartache of your...baby...maybe calling you by the name baby...would be my last too...baby...please seek for your own happiness...i want baby to be happy...go..go find someone that is zillion times better than me...please...i beg you...i dont want to hurt you nomore...u had felt too much...enough is enough...please find someone better than me...i dont want to see you cry again...go and search the dream MR..that you been searching all these while...let us be the memories for the learning journey...of finding the one you really love...please...please baby...*cries*
Oh no!whos buhday?its Baby's buhday!!she turned 15..oh GOSH..ure getting OLD!!hehe XDim sorry i lied...i lied to you...that i cant celebrate wif you..during you buhday...i know it hurts...when i repeat it...however...i got a good intention right baby?13th DEC...poop out from nowhere...and you were shock to see me...youre CUTE my dear...soo baby...ARE YOU READY TO GO OUT?hehe...im soo the naughty...Its your day...just say where you want to go..i will bring you there...tell me what you want...i shall buy it for you...far east is our first destination?went shopping abit...brought TEEs for baby...soo marina square is our second pit-stop?we ate mac...brought alot...end up...wasting it all up...GOSH dear...we been wasting money on food everytime?diao...ate till our stomach is about to explode...dhen proceed to our third stop...which is plaze singapura...thought of catching a movie there...but unfortunately...the place is full of ANTS!!damn you ANTS!!couldnt you give us a peace?since is baby's buhday?be understanding please?instead..headed to cathay...we catch a movie there...and babygirl was lucky...she able to catch twilight on her buhday...soo the lucky!!KEN to the TOT!!the show is excellent...what makes the show is absolutely US...those TEMPTATION...makes it feel SENSATION...only US know..WEEHEE....after it ends...we thought of shopping again...but sadly...the shops are closing...shit you!and so..baby having stomach upset...maybe bcoz..theres too much air in it?soo grab a bite at long john...and so...as for normal..we waste our food...and if im not wrong...we are the last customer to leave?im sorry to keep you all waiting...baby had to go west coast park...family gathering there...soo i tag along...as her mum said that...they will be sending me home...soo i stayed...took cab to go there...but instead we went EAST coast...wth?waste my freaking money!!!i could get lost...the driver took us to a WEIRD route...i was like looking at the surrounding...thinking...where the hell are we...and there goes my baby...sleeping on my lap..like i said...shes having stomach upset...i put her to sleep...dont you guys ever see her...when shes sleeping...because...shes just too SWEET to b seen by you!got that?and this is my rule...u broke that rule...and my FIST will come after you...soo stayed at west coast park till 2am i guess?with baby and family...and soon..i was sent home...thanks for the ride...and baby...i hope you had a great time today...the whole day u were with me...iloveyou dearest...
its already been days...its proven...we are not the same...everything between us...dont feel right...i had never...expected you to be like this...for the past 6 months since i met you...you had never been like this...you had been soo sweet..like a candy...and somehow...now..u sound different...i just dont get it..i realised...i havent know the real you i guess...i thought...i had known you...but now...i didnt...you dont seems to be happy anymore...when we both on the phone...you sound moody...angry...you not the happy girl i once knew...i must say...i had failed my task...i had always wanted you to be happy...but now...you often get mad...im felt that...your love for me...is fading...issit true?im aint in a good condition now...everything seems different...unlike before...u tend to shoot words at me...everything the words you said...makes me broke down...my hands were shivering..when you shoot words at me..i cant even be strong like i used too...you had weaken me to the core...im aint a guy...that could satisfy you or..makes you happy...look deep in your heart...find the answer to it...are your feelings faded towards me?the strong magnetic bonds..that holds us together are soon gona break...just tell me if you really...and really meant it...that you really wanna be wif me..in future to come...theres still many fishes in the sea...much more better then me...im aint a guy meant for you...i can see through it all...im still cherishing this moment before..its gone...i shall give you all the time in the world you need...to find the answer...if you feelings is really for me...if theres someone better then me..do tell me...because that would makes me realise...im aint the same league as you..and aint a guy for you...its kinda hard for me to be posting this...when im crying...its all i can say...tell me the truth and only truth with no regrets...call me when you have the answer to your heart...
okey...enough of the heartache i face...time will soon heal the hole in my heart...hopefully it will...or maybe it cant...just a cure i needed from you baby...well...i was informed yesterday...im posted to harbourfront!F SHYT!walau ehk...i hate it...later need to go faiz firstdhen go harbourfront...soo i guess...i will be home late everyday...omg!!idontlike it...okey go bYE...
Why must it be like this baby?tell me why?i had imagined yesterday to a sweet day for us...oh...it turn bad instead?why?you might say im spying on you...not trusting you...or etc...but if really im spying on you...i would already followed you to sentose...w/o you knowing...not trusting?if i didnt...i wont even let you go...but yet...im happy that you go...and have fun...yesterday...just a short talk face to face...will change everything....just a short talk...everything would be fine...i was expecting you...to keep asking me why...i stayed at vivo until u finished eating...i thought you will ask me why...but instead you scold me...i went out of home at 4.15pmand reach vivo at 5pm...went all the way just for you...b4 that...i went BPP..brought things for you...luckily...i didnt brought that thing along...or else i will be like a stupid dog...with no direction to go...haizz...i brought a small gif you..that thing...is something to put at ure hp...there is a small RED ROSE..which indicate LOVE between us...in the glass...there a phraseI LOVE YOU...i told myself when i at vivo...that by today i need to gif that thing...to you...but i wasnt strong enough...i wasnt strong enuff...to outstand the hurting impact...that tym...i really broke down...when u call me and scold me..asking me to go home...im crying...infront of the F crowds...met you at busstop...still...im not strong enuff...to see you into the eyes...why?why aint i strong?why must i always be weak?i hate it!!ARGH HATE!
never i imagined it will be this way...my plan failed today...thought of surprising you at VIVO...but it turns back a round i guess...instead u were angry...yes i lied from the vary begining...from the msg...i lied that i had to meet boss for meeting...but i didnt...what i meant by BOSS...is YOU...i went all the way to VIVO...to meet to and spend time together there...but its all gone to waste...4hours of crafting a paper ROSE..which i put my heart n soul to it...were gone to waste too...i thought of giving you when i met youat vivo...but i didnt get the chance...yesterday night...told my mum n my dearest bro...that i will be off...and go home late coz im wif ida...i must thank my mum...iloveyou mother...u gave me 2 tickets...but sorry...i didnt make use of it...thx bro...for giving me 100bucks...for me to spend together wif ida...but didnt spend a single cent of it...soo i will return it all later...how sad?i went to ask all these for us...but what i get?i went soo far to VIVO...to surprise you...tapi ini i dpt?u once told me...lets go watch movie right?i thought of catching a movie..after u finished wif you friends...thats why i waited for you...after u ate...but i wanna expecting that..we could have dinner together...but same...i didnt get the chance...i brought a small thing...for you...also didnt gave you...but after u gave me a call..after u eaten...u scold me?ask me to go home?i got a damn F heartache...i just dont know how to describe it dear...i plans is all ruined...can you believe it?i cant believe it either...the thoughts of spending time wif you...were crushed...like a glass thrown onto the stone...im sad...please...i hate today..